i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
