You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't turn off my feet"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
