I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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