Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
