You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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