They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
