Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
