Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're like the curious george of whores
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
