You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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