I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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