Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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