whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
