I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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