i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
