she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
