He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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