Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize