that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I stole a fireplace last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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