I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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