you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
