Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
