what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
