My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
