I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize