Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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