I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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