My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
