So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
