dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
