well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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