I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
