I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
