He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize