we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize