i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
