Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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