Your tits are I can't wait for
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
