I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
