sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
