Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
