I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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