nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
