Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
