just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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