i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i dont even know how to be here
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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