She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
