I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Princesses don't give blow jobs
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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