she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize