So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
