I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
