in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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