Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this hospital has no fireball
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
