she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
