I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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