Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
