Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
