Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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