Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
