2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
