Dude my mom stole all your condoms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
