people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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