I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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