How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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