You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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