Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
