Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
