he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize