Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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