He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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