she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
