I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
