You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
