haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
