So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize