He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you had me at cake vodka
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
