I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
