I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
