at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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