so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
