I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
